March 1, 2022 

Normalize Living in a Walnut!

Society has never wanted us to live in walnuts. But society is responsible for a lot of terrible things like war and amateur cyclists who wear professional cycling kits. Why should we play by “society’s” rules? I’m playing by their rules now and it’s not amazing. I have to live in an apartment and I actually hate living in an apartment. I pay $1725 a month and sometimes I get cold because I can’t control the heat. 

Why normalize living in a walnut:

If I lived in a walnut, I’d imagine I’d be warm all the time. In my walnut I would have a very tiny bed made out of a small piece of lint with a very tiny homemade quilt and I’d wear a very tiny nightcap to bed each night. I would eat butternut squash pasta out of a tiny acorn bowl and I would drink red wine out of a Barbie doll shoe. I’d sit by the tiny fireplace and think about how comfortable I am in my itty bitty puffy chair that’s made out of a little baby dandelion. All of these things are extremely cute - which is a great reason why society should normalize walnuts as homes.

If living in a walnut was normalized then no one would have to pay rent because you can just find a walnut on the ground that looks nice and is out of the way of foot traffic. Society should let me, specifically, live in a walnut because saving all that money on rent would mean I really wouldn’t have to have a job. This means a lot of naps for me. 

Something crazy is actually that we all DON’T live in walnuts and it’s capitalism. There are people putting on suits and ties and going to work and paying for WATER? These people could be living in a walnut. Let us all live in walnuts. 

Abolish the economy - walnuts are FREE.